Turkey Temptation

Seriously need to vent today. I'm in disgrace. Disgrace!! Yes, ME, can you believe it? Pet the cat, ignore the brat. *I* know that mantra, but Cameron has forgotten! Why you ask? Let me TELL you. The truth. The whole truth. And nothing BUT the truth, so help meow.

It was yesterday. I had to spend about two hours in the house smelling the turkey cooking. That's bad enough while it cooks but it's totally cruel to then leave the pan on the counter. My mouth was drooling no matter where I was in the house. *MY* food is in the kitchen. I needed sustenance, as any feline would, so I went in to eat.

Now tell me - would someone TELL ME???!!! How can ANY feline, canine or God-forbid BOvine sit down to a bowl of sticks and twigs when there's a juicy, tender, delicious turkey leg screaming your name? I heard it, same as I'm sure the lasagna talks to Garfield. "Gizmo.......Giiiizzzzzmmmmoooooooooo. Crunchy outside, juicy inside. Giiiiizzzzzzmmmmmoooooooooooooooo." I tried shutting out the voice but it was insistent. Besides, when I went to chew on a stick or a twig, it was already soft, like cheerios are after a few minutes in milk. Pavlov's dogs come to mind but *I'd* never compare myself to the likes of those stupid species.

So I did what I had to do to remain sane. I quieted the voice. That required taking that dreadful turkey leg off the counter. For those of you who are Monk fans, just call me Monk. He had to quiet the singing card that wouldn't die, I had to quiet the turkey leg that wouldn't stop talking. I took leg under the kitchen table and set it down. Still extremely loud and very much in the line of fire. I checked where Cam and the brat were and made it slowly into the living room. Tried behind the chair, but again, still open for attack. Went behind the couch - straight into dust bunny territory. A little Tai-Kwan-Meow was needed to make it out alive, turkey leg intact. I surveyed the rest of the living room and found no better hiding places. This was going to require a very scary run in front of the couch. Completely open, no cover, but decided that would be far faster than fighting the dust bunnies again. Besides, they'd probably already called in re-enforcements. I did another quick reconniter, then slid across my belly out in the open air. Almost there, almost to the edge of the couch, so far I've been under the radar. Whew, I made it.

Still in the open, and one more long dash to the stairs. It was time to head up. Underneath the bed I'd be safe and the covers would keep the thing quiet. One more quick survey and I started to the stairs. Should have signed up for the Catolympics before going as I'd have won the high jump. I was halfway to the stairs when there was an incredibly loud sound. My nerves were stretched to the breaking point as it was and that shot them. I think it was a 360 I did in the air, I'm not sure. Just know that I hit the steps on four legs and was gone in a flash, not having needed any of the floor between the couch and the stairs.

I dove under the safety of the bed. The turkey juices were a most soothing balm to my ruffled nerves. It didn't take long to kill the leg. It was quiet inside of fifteen minutes. And oh what a triptophan it was. Laid out flat on my back dreaming - I was next to the ocean, it was the biggest sandbox I'd ever seen. Mice and birds everywhere you looked, and not a stick nor a twig bowl anywhere in sight. And best of all - NO BRATS. Only laps for me when I wanted them.

Then all hell broke loose. I won't go into the details, no one could live happily forever after knowing all the bloody, gory details. Let's just say - I don't think Cam will ever be that thoughtless again.